The Name’s Megan, It’s Nice to Meet Me.

Another random flower picture, taken in front of my boyfriend's office.
Another random flower picture, taken in front of my boyfriend’s office.

Today I should have gone to therapy, but I cancelled my appointment.  I am taking the next two weeks to consider the things I’ve already learned and work on those.  Plus, I was overwhelmed at work and I didn’t want to leave and then have to make it up later.  Next week, I will be taking some vacation time, so I didn’t want to make any appointments during that time.  In the meantime, there won’t be any updates on my therapy sessions.

The last couple of days have been difficult.  I have had to deal with office talk of illness, which doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is to me.  It makes me uncomfortable and I hate feeling like that in my work environment.  It just overtakes my mind and distracts me from the things I’m working on.

Anyway, this post is not going to be talking about all of that.  The only way I made it through these last couple of days, or the last couple of years, was with the help of my support system.  Most recently, this support system has been mostly made up of so many kind, supportive, and understanding fellow bloggers.  I can’t tell you how much all of you have done to comfort me in days that have been difficult and encouraging me to keep on improving myself.  It is an awesome feeling to know that there are SO many others out there in this world, who share the same feelings that I do.  In my small little world, I have been the only one with my issues.  This blog has brought me close to people from all over the globe who understand my issues and can relate through their own.  Thank you everyone for your support.

In the past couple of years, there have been two integral figures in my life who have helped me through the difficult times and who have encouraged me to find the real me.  One of these people is my boyfriend, who is much more than that.  He’s my best friend, partner in life, and lover.  Without him, I doubt I would have had the courage to seek professional help and to continue on seeking treatment years later.

The other individual is my wonderful mother. It’s astonishing how alike we are!  We are constantly finding things that are uncannily similar between us.  She has the exact same fears as me and has an anxiety disorder like me.  I can confide in her easiest because I don’t feel ashamed by my thoughts or feelings and she knows exactly where I’m coming from.  Not to mention, she is kind of a medicine woman.  She is not a doctor, but she is smarter than most doctors I know and she has a great understanding of physical ailments and natural remedies and cures.  I swear, there isn’t an illness that exists that she doesn’t know something about 🙂

The point of all this is understanding the importance of a support system.  Without one, I KNOW I wouldn’t be where I am today.  If you are lacking someone in your immediate, physical life, then know that I and many others are here for you.  I am always glad to help when I can.  Also, don’t be ashamed to ask for help!  I know I was.  It took me 4 years to get up the courage to discuss my issues with my partner and now that it’s all out in the open, so much more progress has been made in improving my mental health.  I feel like I’m finally getting to know the real me behind the anxiety.

Don’t live life afraid of being you.

Thanks for reading.

Megan

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118 thoughts on “The Name’s Megan, It’s Nice to Meet Me.

  1. Sounds like taking a couple of weeks of will be a bit of a breather for you. Time to catch your breath before moving on. It’s wonderful to hear how supportive your boyfriend and mother are. 🙂

    1. 🙂 Thank you for saying that. It really means a lot to me. You’ve been here since the beginning and I appreciate your support through and through. If I made you like a cat, well then my job here is finished 😀

  2. A support system is a must! I’ve got a friend who’s OCD, and that friend is the first person I called when I thought I had postpartum OCD. It is beyond comforting to have at least one person know what I’m going through, even if our obsessions and compulsions are different. She actually knows my fears, but I don’t know hers. I never actually asked, and then I got sick, so we agreed that she’d keep the specifics to herself, so as not to encourage my OCD mind to latch onto her stuff and load my plate up more.

    It’s so awesome that your partner is understanding, and actually encouraged you to go to therapy. That guy sounds like a definite keeper! And just as important, you *sound* genuinely happy that he is in your life. So brava, girl, you deserve it.

    1. It makes me happy that you have someone in your life as well 🙂 I’ve always appreciated your support and am so thankful we were brought together. I tend to latch onto other people’s fears, so I understand what you mean here. My partner is a great person and I’m so lucky to have found him 🙂

      1. That’s why my good friend here who’s got OCD didn’t tell me her specifics. That way I would add them so mine. I know how Chester feels too! For me and hubby, it’s like going to Chinatown and getting all sorts of goodies! And crack dumplings, llooooove crack dumplings. 🙂

  3. I haven’t commented in a long time but I’ve been reading along with you. I’m glad to hear you’re doing so well and have people you can count on to help you. A support system is important for all of us. We all have moments in life when we’re not ourselves. Cheers!

  4. Blessings to you! Keep striving for peace and joy. It is attainable!!.

    Life is full of ups and downs. For me, through the hard times, what has helped me has been my faith and the unshakable and steady support of all my loved ones.

    I pray, I meditate, I have faith. I don’t know what works for others, and I know there are people who rely on other methods. But for me, I am sustained by my faith.

    I wish you well.

  5. What an awesome post. I am sure you discussed cancelling a couple of sessions with them: I know I had to do this as well, many times, just to take a deep breath. I was also in retail management, so I was working 1,000 hours a week, or at least it felt like it. My counselor told me there are few patients/clients who really work on their issues: most just keep coming year in and year out for someone to talk to. She always knew by the work I would do at home, and by the questions or issues I wanted to cover in session, I was never going to be coming to a counselor just for someone to talk to. Sounds like you are like this as well. With this time you will have an opportunity to really internalize information you might have otherwise been too distracted to gain the full import of. Also, like any time away from any task, and that is what the therapy is, a task of healing; once you take a break, you can come back at it with a renewed mind and spirit, reading to roll up your sleeves and dig in to more challenges you face.
    I am really glad you have your boyfriend and your mother. It is so important to have a close safety net, and you are lucky to have two people who obviously love you and are really there for you. It is also great your mom is so up on holistic medicine as well, and knows about so many illnesses. This alone must make it such a relief to be able to talk to her. I will look for your blogs, or at least look for your comments on any of mine. Have fun and enjoy your time.

    1. In all honesty, it was just too overwhelming this week for me to go to the therapy session. I have way too much on my plate, work-wise, and I just didn’t think I had the time or energy to go. I’m glad you can understand that. I sort of felt bad for canceling, but a little relieved to know that it’s ok. I am trying my best to be an active patient in therapy. There aren’t too many things I have discussed with her about working on, but the small things I have done are making a bit of a difference in my life. THe thing I like most about therapy is being able to get the perspective of my mental illness from someone else. She has given me insight that I didn’t have before and it has really got me thinking. Like you said, I am very lucky to have my mother and boyfriend in my life. They are my rocks 🙂

  6. Very well written. I spent years in therapy and there are times that you need a break. I don’t know the issues and frankly they are non of my business.
    I’m sure I am much older. This is something that someone taught me that has been a big help. This person referred to this as noise in your life. That most people should limit their inner most thoughts to maybe 5 people. The rest of the people in your life are making “noise”. Those folks have agenda’s that have nothing to do with helping you. In the end you must get selfish. Its about you and your future.

    1. I like this idea of people noise 🙂 I think sometimes I just have too much of that in my life. Sometimes it’s ok to say no to things, like canceling therapy. Thank you for sharing that with me.

      1. No problem. You probably do. Most people. Go someplace with a piece of paper and pencil and truly think who are those people that you can truly trust. Then make your list. Keep in mind its your list and you do not have to share it with anyone. The thing that many people struggle with is very often the “noise” in your life comes from family. I ended my over 4 years in therapy last week. I just got tired of talking about that stuff. Its ok for you to use the word “I” and not we. The only person who lays their head on your pillow at night is you. Therapy is physically and mentally draining. There are times you need a break. I just hope that people don’t start that nonsense about “What did you talk about”? If you wanted them to know then they would have been included. You can get through whatever issues you are facing. I wish there were easy answers to some of this stuff but there isn’t. Sweet Dream and Take Care of Yourself…………………………

      2. Making a list of the people that I feel I actually trust is a great exercise and something I’ve never really thought about before. Thank you for sharing this with me 🙂

  7. I commend your honesty! I don’t know hat kind of illness you have, but I’m glad you have a good deal of support whatever it is. And I think it’s good to take time just to THINK. A lot of people don’t! Therapy and support from the medical community is great, but sometimes they do more harm they good. I can say from experience that giving my son’s therapist the boot and going to someone else was the BEST thing for him. She advocated we sit with him at night when he was 7 until he fell asleep instead of trying to help him overcome his fear of the dark!.He’s now 21, and he no longer fears: the dark, bees, thunderstorms, or being alone (he had severe separation anxiety), and if I hadn’t given HIM and myself time to think about what was best for him, that might not have happened. Anyway, kudos to you for giving yourself a time out when needed! 🙂

    1. 🙂 Thank you. I was afraid of finding a therapist because it’s not always easy to find someone you can trust, but she is great. I was definitely leery at first, but am getting more comfortable with each session. A break was needed though. THis is funny that you mention this. I was terribly afraid of the dark as a kid, so much so that I slept with the lights on many nights and sometimes forced my little brother to sleep on the floor next to my bed. I’m glad your son is no longer afraid of the dark. I guess I eventually just grew out of it.

  8. Megan the way you talk of your mother, makes me so happy. What a beautiful relationship. I too would be lost without my mum. Ive just put a post in my drafts about Depression and seeking help. Its one of the hardest things to admit to, but once you do and you get that help? It’s like being free, isn’t it! It’s not some magical cure, but it’s the next best thing. I agree that blogging helps immensely. I think you and I are feeling kind of a like right now. 🙂

    I’m glad you blog, and I too like not feeling alone with my OCD. I told you before…we are just very tidy people! Lol Huge hug from Oz. Love to you. Paula xxxxx

    1. Hello Paula 🙂

      Your comment made me smile from ear to ear. *Hug* I am so grateful to have had your support since I started writing on this blog. You’re so a kind and caring friend 🙂 I see much of myself in what you say. I am proud of you for writing about such a difficult subject and I definitely agree, it is freeing to be able to admit when we need help. It took me so long to get to that point, but I’m glad I did. I’m also glad I live in an age where it’s not taboo to speak about mental illness. 🙂 Thank goodness for this modern society 🙂
      your friend
      megan

  9. This is such an awesome and encouraging read. Although, I’m just beginning to read your blog, you are giving me an awareness of a different perspective, thank you for sharing and extending yourself to help others as others have helped you. (I’ll continue to read backwards ;-).)

    1. 🙂 I’m glad you are reading, even if it is backwards! I’m happy to have met you. It’s not always easy admitting some of my flaws, especially to others, but the support has been tremendous. THank you 🙂

  10. Hello Megan! I came here to thank you for liking my post and was pleasantly surprised! It’s good to see that you have such a strong support network that makes all of the most daunting stressors surmountable. 🙂

  11. I enjoyed reading your post (yes, kats can read-and do a lot of other things humans don’t think we can do)!

    I’m glad you have humans who support and encourage you. Hang in there….and don’t underestimate the power of the purrrrr!

    If you don’t have a kat, get one!! My human has depression, and I make her happy!!

  12. Good words; I agree, both as an addictions/mental health clinician and just a human being…:) I am glad you have the support in your life that your really need and want. And thanks for the “like” of my post “Hunters”! Please stop by again and check out my other 2 blogs linked to that one. Best to you and yours.

  13. This has been so good to read 🙂 To be honest, until now the idea of a blog community being something of a support system seemed a bit like fiction to me because I only read about it in books, but it seems to be reality for you! Not saying that it replaces direct contact with people, but I sometimes experience that I really want to tell my friends what I actually feel like on the inside – after all, they are my friends, I truly want to be real with them, and I know they’d really want to know what is on my heart – yet I can’t find the words, or it just doesn’t fit into the conversation and I don’t know how to bring it up, plus I’m afraid they wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t know how to react… All of this, I imagine, would be easier online. Perhaps articulating these thoughts in a blog can be something like a practice for putting it into words in a face-to-face situation 🙂

    1. You have expressed yourself so well here. I sometimes feel silly talking about blogging to my friends because it’s not something they do. They have never read my blog because I don’t really want to share it with some people. This might seem a bit odd, but I just feel awkward talking about my issues with them. They just don’t understand, so I certainly get where you are coming from.

      1. Thank you 🙂 That’s exactly it – I usually share my blog posts on Facebook, where my friends can see it, but I would probably write more if I didn’t think they might see it. I’m not sure why, it’s just so awkward not to know who of them would read it, and I’d probably keep wondering how much they actually know about me.

      2. I’m the same way, so I just keep them in the dark. It’s superficial, I know, but I just don’t think our relationship is at that level. I’m much more comfortable telling members of my family and not even all of them 🙂

  14. I was diagnosed around two years ago with my anxiety. My fiancé and mother have been my rocks too! It’s great having someone there just to listen and comfort you when you are feeling uncomfortable or feel your anxiety kick up. If I was battling this alone it would be awful. I’m glad you and I both have great support systems! ❤ enjoy your vacation next week!

    1. I’m so glad that you have two wonderful, supportive people in your life supporting you as well. It helps so much to face our issues if we have someone to hold our hands and comfort us along the way.

  15. Thank you for your offer to be there. I live alone and have no life partner, as I have denied myself of that privilege. My support system is changing, as I’m going to have to start with a new therapist and new psychiatrist sometime within the next 8 weeks. My only family consists of two married brothers, an aunt who just turned 87, and a whole bunch of cousins. I have one close friend, but she is so busy, that I don’t get much time alone with her. Needless to say, I think you and I understand each other, and for that I’m very grateful. I am also here for you, if you should ever need me.

    v.

    1. I have few people in my life as well, so it’s good to know that you are at the other end of this blog to turn to. It can’t be easy living alone, as I’ve experienced for the past few weeks how difficult it can be. I hope you and your friend can find some time to spend with one another. 🙂
      have a great weekend V.
      megan

  16. My support system changes a lot. My daughter is around, but married and busy, my son is across the US, it just changes. It’s okay. I always have some people I just share some things with. My blogger friends are extremely close and I keep finding new ones! Thanks, Megan. I know you are there for me and I am there for you.
    Scott

    1. I’m happy that you always have someone there for you Scott 🙂 You are a great person and deserve loving support. I’m glad that I have met you and that we are, in my opinion at least, very good blog friends 🙂 You always have my support.
      megan

  17. Glad you’re keeping up with life and surrounded by wonderful people. I was not in the best of health few years back and it was a struggle, but I always told myself to be thankful for what I can do and have, rather than what I have not. This has kept me thus far. Take care my dear.

    1. It’s a gift to be able to see the good in ourselves and the good in our lives. I’m not always great at doing that, but thank you for reminding me.
      megan

  18. I really find you so inspiring, I wish you only the best with everything. Honestly, you write in a way that I can connect to, and I think that is more important to your character than anything that may ail you.

    1. That’s very heartfelt of you Rachel 🙂 I’m not always able to see past my flaws and sometimes it takes someone on the outside to help me realize some of the good. Thank you 🙂

  19. I am glad you have a great support system. I too have found fellow bloggers that I can relate to since I also don’t know of anyone near me going through the same things as me. You are a very strong person for telling your BF about yourself and getting help. I try to be honest at all times, but there are still things I find hard sharing with others. I hope you have a great week.

    1. It is not always easy sharing myself with others. I only recently told my mother about an instance in my past that was especially hard to admit and I tell her everything! I know exactly what you mean. I hope your week goes well too my dear 🙂

  20. I appreciate your genuineness and willingness to live your story out there. Not easy to do and often culturally challenging. Thanks for liking my blog. I enjoy the integrity of your sharing. Keep it up–there is nothing new under the sun. People have more in common than we often realize.

    1. Through my blogging experience thus far, I’ve begun to realize just how many people share the same thoughts and feelings that I do 🙂 It’s relieving in a way.

  21. Hi Megan!

    Thanks for liking one of my posts the other day. I’ve started reading your blog as a result and I’m finding many things to relate to here – as well as things that help me in my own process of recovery.

    This has definitely been one of the big bonuses of returning to my blog 🙂

    Bon courage!

    1. Hello 🙂 I’m so glad that you are able to relate to what I write. I’m always happy to share and to know that others are reading is just an extra bonus 🙂

  22. I hate to be the one to piss on anyone’s parade especially after reading such an inspirational post about the importance of a support system. I totally agree it is an integral part of any mentally balanced life. But not all support systems as kind and compassionate as the one described here. Unfortunately for many, their “support system” consists of people who (choose) ignore the needs of the person who crave their support and only focus on the bad without trying to understand how they can help to make life better for everyone. Then there are people (whom are often automatically assumed to be part of the support system) who literally abandon the person the needs the help, they may not want to get involved, maybe they are embarrassed but for whatever reason they cut ties with you incrementally until there is little or no communication only making things much harder for the person who just need their time and compassion, These types are the most toxic as they often try to appear as supportive, but in reality they pull away from you until you become almost strangers with often your own family.

    So when talking about a support system, be sure to distinguish between the healthy ones discussed here, but also acknowledge the support is in name only and rather than face disappointment or humiliation over and over again sometimes there are just some things you may have to tackle solo.

    1. This is very true. There are people in our lives who might be there and those who might not when things get too tough or awkward. Things like that, such as getting a terminal illness or admitting to having a mental illness, really bring out the true friends and loved ones. Thanks for sharing 🙂

      1. I speak from first hand experience and I believe such behavior is still rooted in the unfortunate stigma that mental illness carries with it even today. Too many people think it is just a mater of will power or something equally as ignorant. Like it or not people with mental illness are often the brightest people around hence the phrase “the curse of a genius.” About two years ago the President of the State Bar where i am admitted to practice law came out of the “closet” and discussed his problems with depression etc in the trade journal that every lawyer receives every month. It was a very compelling story, but one year later he was out of business. He went from being President to unemployed(able) within a year. What I would like some advice on is how any of you have found ways to deal with the many unenlightened people out there whether it affects your livelihood, social circles anything. New perspectives would be great on this topic I think for everyone. Now if I am totally out of line with this and this is a forum only for positive experiences please disregard my comment.

        Thanks

      2. There is definitely a lot of stigma still attached with mental illness, which is why a lot of people are reluctant to discuss them in public. I still have trouble telling some friends and family. For me, I work hard to be a kind person, yet a hard worker and have always managed to be accepted for who I am rather than what I have. I think blogging is a great way, for me anyway, to get some of my frustrations out in the open and out from behind my skull and in turn hear what others have to say, most of which are nonjudgmental. I think you bring up a good point. The field of mental health is still young in terms of acceptance and mainstream society.

      3. Disagreeing with you would be a fools errand, the only thing I am trying to show is that I think our society is so far behind in dealing with mental health is it irresponsible–like the example I gave–a man simply opens up about his problem and his professional life is over. We are living in the 21st century for gods sake where people routinely get Viagra but no one questions them. But when a person is afflicted with BP I or II they are social and professional outcasts. I guess I am just frustrated because the profession I chose has no room for compassion or understanding (nor do they want any) in how something like this can affect some of the brightest minds around.

  23. “The War in my Brain” is a gripping title. I’m looking forward to your blogs. I might not alway response in words, thus, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t read or think about what you composed.

  24. It is nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am glad to see that you have a reliable support team, and I think we should all strive to support each other through all of our personal struggles. I wish you happiness on your journey.

  25. Thanks for stopping by my blog! It’s an inspiration to read a bit of yours. While I don’t have clinical degrees of anxiety, I believe everyone experiences it to some degree and should be aware of how to care for their mental health. Everyone should be aware of mental patterns that are easy to fall into and how they should be dealt with. I have a few close people in my life who have been incapacitated with anxiety disorders, so it is great to see that you’re doing your best not to let it rule your life. The best I can do is listen to my friends since I’m not experiencing things they way they are.

    1. You are absolutely right. Throughout my life, I’ve just accepted that I was unique and different from many people I knew. I actually think I was and still am an oddball, but proud of it. It got to the point that my anxiety was debilitating and not living at all would be better than living with my phobias. It’s been a long journey, but one I thankful that I embarked upon 🙂 Thank you for introducing yourself! I think your blog is beautiful. Someday I’ll be living very close to you in Seoul 🙂

  26. Hi Megan – thank you for liking my post.

    Interestingly, although I don’t blog about my mental health, I too have a disorder. Mine revolves around social anxiety, and a tendency to ‘catastrophize’ potential future events. I too have grown frustrated with the limits I put on myself as a consequence of irrational and unfounded thoughts, and am due to begin a course of CBT therapy. Hopefully I can make the same progress as yourself.

    1. To me, the anticipation is what fuels anxiety and it’s the hardest part for me to overcome and it sounds like it’s a struggle for you too. I wish you all the best with the CBT therapy! It worked for me when I tried it 🙂

  27. I love the comment “Don’t live life afraid of being you.”. Nearly 60 and I have done that day in day out, not coming up to expectations, but I am changing….I don’t have OCD but a multitude of other’s issues, I cannot know what it is like being you, but I like what I read and say Bravo, well done and keep going. Bless you.

    1. I have been that way for a good portion of my life too friend. It becomes habit until we realize that it’s time for change. Thank you for introducing yourself! I always love to meet knew faces 🙂

  28. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Because you did, I found you! Enjoy your two-week hiatus. I agree that support is very important. I couldn’t have made it through cancer diagnosis and treatment without my wonderful family and friends.

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