Through the Revolving Doors

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I know i’ve shared a lot of my photos of flowers, but because this is a rose, I thought it was only fitting.

It has been just over 7 years since my grandmother Rosemary, who many called Rose or Rosie,  passed away from liver cancer.  She was an integral part of my family, keeping us all together during the holidays.  She was selfless and humble and everything that I could ever hope to be.  I can’t believe it was that long ago.  The memory of her passing, how her hand felt as her life ended and the sight of simultaneous crying from my entire family standing around her deathbed, is still very fresh in my mind.  I honestly think that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t remember her in some way and I don’t mind that.  She deserves to never be forgotten.

My grandmother is one of the people who impacted who I am by the impression she left on me during her life and thereafter.  I would not be who I am today without her.  I would not be who I am today without a great number of people either.  I’m sure everyone feels this way to some degree.  I sat down in my little green chair after work today and wrote the following poem.  I hope you can relate to this in some way:

“Through the Revolving Door”

People come & go in our lives,

one by one through the revolving door,

shaping, changing, defining who we are.

So many have come & gone while few have stayed.

Many memories float around in my conscience,

appearing randomly at a sight, sound, feeling,

triggers linked to the past.

Driving, I pass a green truck,

and in that instant I am the teenager,

young and freckled,

betrayed, innocence stolen,

lives forever changed,

fresh secrets scar the heart

& soil the delicate white silk of the mind.

Walking, a cool breeze stirring the long strands of dirty blonde hair,

I pass the man, who once was the boy I knew years ago,

first love, lost now, but the smile is the same.

Shopping for groceries,

I wait behind a petite, frail old woman,

hair the color of timber ashes,

permed & short.

I am a child again,

watching the motion of her worn, yet soft hands,

carefully piercing the fabric of a blue & white quilt,

the sound of a soap opera filling the room.

My heart stings with grief & longing

as I realize you’re gone,

7 years & a month ago.

I move on,

as we all do eventually.

Forever different because of the lives that came & went,

trespassed & stayed,

hiding in the crevices of the beating muscle thriving in my chest.

Without you,

I would be a different me.

You brought tears enough to fill a jar,

& smiles brighter than the rays of the sun.

People come & go,

yet here I am,

continuing on the path of finding me.

-Megan

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52 thoughts on “Through the Revolving Doors

  1. Very loving tribute to your grandma. I lost my grandma Ruthie to lung cancer 2 1/2 years ago, and like you there isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t pop into my thoughts.

    1. It’s amazing how some people leave so much of an imprint on us that they are will us even when they’re not 🙂 Sounds like your grandmother was also one of these people.

  2. I am alone right now sobbing reading this. This is something I am working on in therapy. my dear friend and sole mate died 10 years ago on the 2nd, I have an amazing husband, a new sole mate now, but my heart never let MJ go. I struggle now to find me, realizing after qo years he is a part of who I am but I must let him continue his journey and I continue mine.

    1. I am so sorry for your loss and sorry if this made you sad 😦 Grief sucks. Won is my soul mate and the thought of losing him brings me to tears. My heart goes out to you and there is nothing wrong with never letting go MJ. You had something special and amazing with him and his memory deserves to live on.

  3. That is beautiful. In places haunting, reminiscent, inspiring. I saw all those memories of yours, you have a great gift for sharing!
    I wish for my own memories of people like your grandmother, and then wonder just why I have none?

    1. This poem means so much to me and was written through feelings and memories alone. I hope you will soon make memories with people who deserve them 🙂

    1. Your grandmother must have been a great woman as well 🙂 Only someone who is can leave an impact on our hearts for so long. They deserve to be remembered 🙂

  4. Beautiful post. I , too , was very close to my grandmother who was a wonderful lady , determined , strong willed, warm & affectionate. Your write up takes to my lovely memories . The memories I never wanna give up . They inspire me . I love you
    granny . You will be with me forever . I love you ….

  5. It has been nearly 7 1/2 years since my husband died after complications from liver transplant. Like your grandmother, he changed me in so many ways, ways for which I will be forever grateful. Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem. It’s the good and the bad both that shape us into who we are, and we get to continue on that journey until we take our own final breaths.

    Take care,

    Monica

    1. THank you for sharing so openly Monica. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose a spouse, but I can empathize with the terrible emptiness of losing a loved one. I’m happy that you appreciate the poem and thankful that you expressed this with me 🙂
      megan

    1. Thank you Chris 🙂 Sometimes I don’t know how well my poetry comes across, but this is encouraging. Then again, I suppose I’m the most important reader of my poems!

      Have a great day too! I will actually be going to sleep soon 🙂
      megan messmer

  6. Absolutely beautiful, Megan! I lost my grandmother when I was only 5 years old, yet her warmth and love still stand clear in my mind. I’m not sure the longing ever really goes away. Lovely tribute.

  7. Excellent poem honey, and what a wonderful way to remember one fantastic woman. I remember when I found out she was gravely ill, I took off of work and went to her home. I walked in that front door, not as a stranger but as someone who once belonged in that family and one who would forever be impacted by her. They directed me to her bed and I still remember the look in her eyes, one of genuine happiness to see me, we chatted a while just as if time hadn’t passed and I was once again her daughter in law. After our warm and unforgetable talk, I looked at her knowing it would be the very last time, and said to her- “I will see you again one day Rosemary”, to which she replied-“please don’t make it too soon”, I told her I would try not too. Then I left, tears.
    I was so very proud of all of you kids for staying with her until the end. I couldn’t imagine her being so frightened and without her family, you guys did a courageous thing and I’m sure she was more scared where she was going, than you were scared to be there.

    1. This broke my heart mom. I remember when you went to see her before she passed and that meant so much to me, my family, and especially her. It was really brave of you to do that and I doubt anyone else would do that. It was so hard staying with her when she passed. I won’t ever forget that day. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. The last thing we said to each other was “I love you.” She meant so much to me.

  8. A truly beautiful poem. You amaze me with how talented you are. Writing, painting and crafting can really express yourself if you take the time. I look forward to your next masterpiece. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much 🙂 You are always so kind to me. I often expect too much of myself and it sometimes takes the kindness of others to help me appreciate what I have 🙂

  9. Hi Megan, thanks for visiting my blog. This last week was my deceased father’s birthday. He’d have been 87. My mother died 2 years ago on 8/15. So mid August has become a time to remember, reflect and notice the grieving that continues. Great poem. I don’t know if its true for you but for me to post a poem would be very scary! If it is for you then thank you for having the courage to post it.

    1. Hello Nancy 🙂
      I am by no means an expert poet, but I do enjoy sharing some of what’s on my mind in random verse 🙂 Thank you for appreciating it. This time of year is difficult for me as well. I’m very sorry for your loss.
      megan

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