Sunday Morning Anxiety

photoThis weekend was thoroughly uneventful.  Chester and I cuddled quite a lot, as you can see from the picture above.  This is not necessarily my best angle, but it’s one of the few pictures of Chester and me.  I’m usually the one taking the pictures.

It was just too cold to do anything!  It is now fall break for K right now and I can tell he’s a bit more relaxed.  He needs a break.

I did finish a great book!  It’s called Darkplaces by Gillian Flynn.  I have all three of her novels on my Kindle and am excited to try out the mystery genre for the first time.  I’m enjoying it thus far. I haven’t finished a book in awhile, so I’m glad to be getting back into reading mode.  I usually read during winter because it’s the best time to wrap myself in blankets and sit for hours on end without feeling too terribly bad about doing so.

One thing we did do this weekend, like we do every weekend, is go to church on Sunday morning.  Every Sunday, I put up a fight like a child and try to convince K that we should stay home for some reason or another and then whine all the way to church until we leave after the sermon.  Like the mature individual that he is, he gets me to go and doesn’t listen to the whining.  He does what he wants and I appreciate that.

Church, and one so huge as this one, is one of my unhappy places.  I’m sad to say it, but aggressive Megan comes out here.  I hate the fact that I have to sometimes shake hands, but I’ve started to get out of that by flying past people or hiding behind other people as I walk through the door.  I hate that I can hear a symphony of coughing and sneezing and nose blowing.  I especially can’t stand plates being passed around.  The smudged finger prints on the brass are indications to me that the things haven’t been washed before I touch them.  It absolutely makes my skin crawl.   I sanitize my hands before and after touching these things.

This Sunday I was especially grouchy.  I have no idea why.  Maybe it’s because I was tired and just didn’t want to deal with all that anxiety early in the morning.  I’m not sure, but I kick myself every time I take my anxiety issues out on K.  I feel so bad for him sometimes that he has to put up with my anxious ways.  I was really irritable and not nice.  I snapped back at him quite a few times.  I refused to sing, which is something I never do.  Finally, I just took a few breaths, told myself that it was ok, and held his hand and laid my head on his shoulder.  I started to calm down and force myself to be kind.  Sometimes this is the best way to get past that point of discomfort.  I’m glad I did because it makes for terrible days when I don’t.

I know you read this K and I just want to say I’m sorry for all the grief I put you through.  Thank you for putting up with me and loving me.  I love you so much.





36 thoughts on “Sunday Morning Anxiety

  1. I can say a lot about these things but would feel like kicking around and do not want that. The simplest thought would be, don’t go. But the thought that did pop my mind was… your old maybe like hobby. wearing those doll like clothes dresses.They come with those nice accessories called cloves. And no, one does not need to take them off. little understanding goes both ways.
    Your K is your calm. Keep smiling.

  2. I have so much respect for your honesty. I know how it feels to take anxiety out on someone and it’s a hard thing to keep under control. But it’s nice to know that someone loves you so much, understands where your coming from, and takes it in stride.

  3. That last part was so sweet ^.^ I’m glad you made through Church. I also hate when people sneeze and cough near me, not to mention when I hear one from behind! I ususally have to fight the urge to tough the back of my head to make sure my hair is okay.
    And some uneventful weekends are good weekends. 🙂

  4. Hey 🙂 I’m reading Ghandi’s autobiography just now. Not normally my kind of thing, but I need some guidance on how to slow myself down – I am stressing too much, lol. I know what you mean about taking things out on K. I do that to my hubby and he is very patient mostly. Its nice having someone who understands, but I believe its because you feel safer to the those closest to you, that *allows* the irritability to come out more.

    1. I am glad to have ventured out to go out of my usual genre. It’s a nice change 🙂 Like you said, it’s certainly nice to have that comfort with someone who totally understands you. I’m so grateful for him

  5. I think you’re super cute 🙂 And I hope you’re not having as much anxiety as I am lately lady!! We’d have to use an anxiety scale to find out and mine is broken from how strung out I get 😛

    1. aw thank you so much! for the most part, my meds keep my anxiety levels down, but there are those situations when it goes up beyond what’s normal. I’m sorry you are experiencing so much anxiety lately 😦

  6. What a great photo, you and Chester both look very cuddled. Glad to hear that you used a good technique to cope with your anxiety at Church. I always think if you can recognise how your actions might upset someone and at least talk to them about it afterwards, then you are on the right track. Happy warm reading!

    1. he takes such great photos, me not so much 😉 He’s so cute. I’m glad I can have that kind of insight into myself, but it’s getting myself to change that’s the problem 🙂

  7. Have you heard of the book, The Dude, OCD and Me? It’s supposed to be like a journal from a high school girl’s perspective of life, and, yes, she happens to have OCD. I am going to go my the library today and see if they have it.

  8. I know you get anxiety in those situations but k likes to go and a person sometimes has to do what others want. Looks like you survived, I knew you could do it. Baby steps will turn into leaps and bounds.

  9. Anxiety sucks. Funny you said that stuff about church, I have many of the same thoughts. Can’t stand being that close to strangers and their dirty hands, coughing, or blowing their noses. I hate church but do my best to follow Jesus’ teachings. (I fail to live up to them a lot). Don’t go if you don’t want to.

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