I’m Good For Another Year

IMG-1387381721-VI’m being very brave by putting this picture on here.  It’s horrible, I know. Please excuse my flabby chin.

Yesterday, when I looked at my bottle of sertraline in my tote bag for work, I could see that there were only about 15 pills remaining.  It was my last refill, so I was running out of time to get more.  With 15 days remaining, I had to make an appointment fast!  I called my PCP and I got in at 11 am this morning 😉  Wasn’t such a huge rush at all.

I probably should’ve gone sooner, but I honestly hate going to the doctor.  I am nervous around them and don’t like to share about myself openly with a medical doctor.  However, my PCP is really friendly, so no worries there.  I still hate making the appointment, making it work with my schedule, going over there, and worst of all, thinking about all the sick people that have sat in that chair before me.

I actually made a smart move when considering my PCP.  Instead of going to just a regular family doctor, I chose an MD who practices mostly with the geriatric community 😀  Most patients that come in there are coming to get their blood sugar or heart checked!  I am always, always the youngest one in there.

I planned my day accordingly, and I prepared to leave twenty minutes early from work.  The place was only 3 minutes drive away, so I didn’t have to leave really early.  I got there on time, filled out the one sheet they gave me, waiting only shortly for the doctor, visited with him, he refilled my prescription, and then I was on my way.  The entire visit took less than an hour.  I was very pleased.  It couldn’t have been more stress free.

Prior to doctor’s appointments, when I’m sitting in the waiting room, I get really nervous.  The anticipation of someone coming through the door and calling my name is enough to make me feel twitchy.  The picture above is an interesting one.  I took it for K and sent it to him through Viber to show him that I was wearing the coat he bought me.  What’s interesting about the picture is my face.  The face I’m making is silly and not at all attractive, but it’s the face I make when I’m stressed.  I’ve always made it.

Please excuse my ponytail hair and yes, I’m wearing makeup, but it’s not obvious.  I’m one of those people who needs lots and lots of makeup to make it even look good.  Otherwise, it’s pointless 🙂

When my upper lip is tucked under my bottom lip like that, I am clenching my jaw, grinding my teeth, and breathing rapidly through my nose.  This is kind of one of my coping mechanisms I suspect.  I don’t realize it until I get tired from it.  Funny how that has become a part of me.


66 thoughts on “I’m Good For Another Year

      1. I have my flaws, but I have learned over time to embrace that which makes me unique. Genetically, we are what we are. I could spend money on plastic surgery fixing the issues that are both real issues and perceived issues, or I can choose to be stronger mentally and focus more on other things. For me, liking and respecting the person that I am is more important than what others think of me on a superficial level. I would rather be respected than anything else.

      2. I won’t lie and say I am not vain to an extent, because I am. I do think there’s a vast difference between vanity and utter shallowness though.

        For me, life is about achieving what I am meant to achieve. I’m not competing with anyone, other than myself. I’d rather be considered funny, smart, and talented over most things. I’d rather be respected than admired for a shallow reason. I’ve been admired and respected for shallow reasons and it’s not a good feeling. I don’t ever want to return to that.

        There is WAY too much emphasis in this world on a woman’s looks. Men can look however they look and it’s 100% acceptable, no one is sitting around criticizing them, or telling them what they need to “fix”, but it’s so different for women. I’ve never been cool with it, and I do not find it acceptable. Especially when people spew that negativity at babies. That’s disgusting to me.

  1. I completely understand the clenching the teeth and face when the anxiety gets going. You get left with a headache from it and your face muscle become so sore. I get horrible anxiety when I have an appointment, the day before, while there is the worse and then when I get home I finally relax and am sore and exhausted. You do NOT have a giggly chin either!

    1. I’m glad you can understand 🙂 I do get left with a headache. I wake up with one too, so that must mean I’m doing that same thing in my sleep. You sound a lot like me in your appt routine.

  2. I am sorry super Megan. What where is that flabby chin. I blew up the entire page. I could not see it. find it unless it got even more scared than little miss Megan there.
    It is for situation like these one could use Chester scent 😉
    Give your self a round of applause. You done it.

    I have to ask others this. Ain’t she darn cute with those dimples?
    keep smiling.

    1. Aw, thank you sweetheart 🙂 That’s very kind of you to say. I’ve had those dimples my entire life and have been told that they’re cute, but I just think they make my smile crooked.

  3. I think you look fine. As for the lip and teeth thing, I didn’t even notice. I believe we all have our own coping mechanisms. I am extremely shy, and don’t really like being around a lot of people I don’t know. Especially in confined spaces like buses, waiting rooms, etc. so out comes the iPod and the Kindle. It’s almost like being alone. Have a very happy Holiday Season! 🙂

    1. Well thank you 🙂 I’m glad to have my cell phone in public places. It helps to put earbuds in, even if you dont listen to anything. I find that that helps keep people away 😀

  4. i understand the reaction to a photo you don’t like … I had that same reaction to a photo of me, today. However, when I saw your photo, I smiled, and was glad to see you. Just wanted to let you know that. Thanks for this great post.

  5. I can so relate! I wear makeup and it never shows in pictures! I’m like how much makeup do I need to wear? But I prefer a more natural look anyway.

  6. Well, I am pleased to meet your stressed face. I am sure we all have them but most of us aren’t brave enough to take a picture of it. Do you have a bite plane (plate) to wear at night? That helped me to stop grinding/clenching my teeth at night.

    1. 🙂 Thanks dear. I have tried a bite plate and it does work, but it gagged me sometimes. I also bit through my last one, so I should get a new one. I definitely need one considering my dentist told me I have craze lines from it.

  7. You are absolutely beautiful the way you are! No flabby chin and you certainly don’t need a lot of make up to look good!
    I am scared of the doctors too! Infact I have cut it really fine because I have… 1 PILL LEFT! 😦 I’m making myself call the doctors tomorrow morning… if not then I’ll be going on a hunt around my house for any spare pills! :O Coping mechanism thing, I chew the inside of my cheeks so I could possibly be mistaken for a duck or someone who is trying to pull a duck face! lol

    1. Thank you for saying that 🙂 It means a lot to me. I hope you can get into the doctor’s office! If you can’t, just ask them if you can get a one-time refill on your prescription so that you don’t run out. They will usually call it in for you. 🙂

  8. You look like someone I used to be very close friends with at uni in this photo, she was a lovely caring beautiful person. As I’m confident you are. I don’t see any flabby chin btw, just happy memories of someone I miss right now. Keep smiling 😀

  9. You’re an inspiring person. You tend to make me smile. Even I don’t know why/how exactly.
    And you look beautiful. You’re a lot more photogenic than I am… 😀

  10. Candid shots of nobody (except that runner guy) look super great. Your chin looks just fine. I hated going to a doctor who primarily treated older people, since when I was having random pain issues from stress he kept on thinking my body was feeble or I was depressed. But that could’ve just been a particularly bad practice (which seems likely as they no longer take non-medicare patients who don’t pay cash or something).

    1. Haha! 🙂 That’s actually very true. I can see that going to a doctor who specializes in geriatric patients might not be good at treating the younger folk 🙂 I’m sorry you had that experience 😦

  11. Its interesting you say you grind your teeth. So do I ! Totally unconsciously when my anxieties are creeping up. As I was reading your post just now I realised I’ve been doing it all morning (2nd anniversary of losing Dad) it still freaks me a bit how very much our so called subconscious is not that SUB sometimes and how very controlling it can be.
    You did great getting out to see the doctor….. I had great plans for today, all gone to pot despite my planning. Ahhhh the joy of agoraphobia. So instead I shall crochet today 😉

    Keep striving, trying and succeeding x

    1. It’s such a terrible habit, right? I hate that I do it and I have since as long as I can remember. I have TMJ because of it and sometimes my teeth chip. I’m sorry for the loss of your father 😦

  12. After our fabulous NYC weekend with friend, G, my mom sat on my sofa knitting and resumed the negative self-talk that she’s put herself (and her loved ones) through all my life. I worked so hard to rid myself of this harmful habit; hearing it from her affects my mood like any stressful event. I had to tell her again to please stop as I could feel the fog of depression closing in with every word. I hear it in you, too. My wish is that you learn to love all of you, inside and out.

    And I can relate to your fear and loathing of visiting doctors. So proud that you made the appointment, got there, got your refills, and realized it wasn’t the nightmare anxiety made you think it would be. Peace. 🙂

    1. That sounds like a great trip! I’ve never been to NYC myself, someday perhaps. I definitely have issues with self image that I need to work on. Have for a long time. Thanks so much for your kind words and inspiration 🙂

  13. My breathing gets ragged, and I rubs my hands a lot. I don’t even notice my hands until someone points it out to me. It’s like I can’t just stand/sit there and do nothing. Nervous energy that needs to go somewhere. I also keep and maintain my own little space, so I’m not getting into anybody else’s and therefore, they should have a reason to get into mine.

    I’ve had self-esteem issues all my life. Which sucks big time, when you think about it. Emotional abuse is not a fun thing, especially when you don’t know it’s happening and/or lack the power to stop it. It gets inside your head and is not easy to shake off. You have to work really hard to break the cycle in your head.

    With makeup, I’d highly recommend Bare Minerals. We have a family friend who’s a Mary Kay rep, but beyond that, she’s fabulous and really listens. I had to get makeup for a wedding i was a bridesmaid in and it’s was awesome! I didn’t remember I was wearing it, I looked great, and I even *gasp* re-applied the lipstick after I’d eaten. Check it out. And frankly, you are a beautiful person, glasses and clenched jaw and all.

    One thing you can try is to carry some tiger’s eye gemstone with you. It’s very grounding. Just hold a piece in your hand or in your pocket and it can help keep you calm (and yeah, I gotta take my own advice).

    1. I’ve had self-esteem problems my entire life too. I was a terribly shy child, and a miserable adolescent. I’ve finally grown into myself I think.

      I have heard good things about Bare minerals. I’ll have to look into them. I’ve never heard of the tiger’s eye, but perhaps I should get one. Thanks for all the good information!

      1. You’re very welcome! Tiger’s eye and hematite are good for grounding and helping your mind focus. They can fit in your pocket, and no one even knows it’s there!

  14. I have Invisalign and so my teeth always kind of hurt nowadays. When I’m stressed, I also grind my teeth or clench my jaw, and I don’t notice until my jaw is killing me. 😦 I can relate.

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