Could I Ever Be A Mom?

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The past few days have been great.  I can’t explain why, but I have been especially happy with K and we’ve had some really lovely past couple of days.  I had to take off work today, but I still got to spend time with K and a bit of time with Chester 🙂   I had my camera out a second ago and I took so many good pics of that little guy.

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I even had a bit of time to work on crocheting a grocery bag holder, which is something I desperately need since Chester finds them and drags them all over the house.  Weird.  Sometimes it’s necessary to just relax and appreciate being relaxed with your favorite person or people.  I even sat down and wrote a letter to one of my pen pals.  The box with the bouquet on it is a stationery set, which I finally found at Barnes and Noble.  Look at my cute little writing table/sewing table nook:

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As you all know and can see above, I really love cats.  I mention this all the time.  I mean, just take a look at my cat figurine collection:  DSC_0212The four on the right are gifts from fellow bloggers.  I really want to have a beckoning cat/lucky cat, Maneki Neko, in my collection.  I’m sure I can find one somewhere, but haven’t had luck yet.  I’m thinking H-Mart.

Anyway, I always say, semi-jokingly that I’d rather have ten cats than even one kid. In actuality, I have rarely ever felt that I wanted kids.  Having emetephobia is enough to keep me from having kids because all I can think about is the times when they get sick.  I have a lot of trouble seeing past that.  It’s lame, I know, but it’s how my brain works and what my OCD revolves around.  Something weird happened today.  K and I watched a Korean show where celebrity dad’s take care of their kids on their own, without the help of the wives.  There’s one little girl that is just absolutely adorable.  While watching the show, I had a strong maternal instinct and really wanted to have a child.  K and I would have beautiful children and I can’t not let him have the opportunity to have a child.  Part of me wants it to just happen so that I have to deal with it rather than continue thinking about the “what-ifs” of raising a child.

I’m really impulsive like that.  I’m always impulsive.  Just the other week I harassed my sister because I wanted her to give me her cat/my childhood cat.  I wanted Chester to have a friend.  Now, I could care less.

I hope that I can come to a point in my life where I want to have children and am no longer worrying about them having illness, which is obviously inevitable.  I feel I actually have a long way to go before I reach that point, but the maternal feeling I had today gives me a little hope.

Well, thanks for reading.
Megan

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45 thoughts on “Could I Ever Be A Mom?

  1. Those cats are so cute! I also collect cat figurines. 🙂 Also thanks for such an honest post. I too fear being a mother. Part of it is that I would probably be awful, and I dread making mistakes. For both of us hopefully the right time will come for motherhood if it is meant to be.

    1. I can’t believe you collect cat figurines too! 🙂 Something about them just makes me smile. I think one day we’ll know for sure whether or not we will want children. As of right now, it’s a not for me 🙂

  2. Chester is beautiful and quite a good model. You probably shouldn’t go against your instincts if you want to be a mom. But once you’re a mom, you will be mom forever through good and bad. But I think most moms would say it’s worth it.

  3. Hi Megan, all things are possible. I suggest finding a charity or ministry the could use your wonderful handmade items. There is one called Friends of the Pine Ridge Reservation. Sometimes they can use handmade baby blankets and little outfits. It would probably be very rewarding. Take slow steps.. But I am sure there are others around.. (:

    1. I was thinking about donating small blankets and toys to the animal shelter here 🙂 I definitely would love to do something like that, especially for children in need.

  4. Kids will puke, they will projectile puke. You will puke while expecting, or at least feel like you are about to). But from what I’ve been told, things that gross a person out, tend not to when it’s their own kid. At least that’s what I’ve been told.

  5. One of the several big reasons I did not have children (also more serious things like genes for alcoholism and mental illnesses and being older when we got married). I am even scared on buses and subways when kids get on and sit next to me. I used to adore kids but as I get older the fears took over– or more realistic thinking. Lots of things to consider. They can be beautiful though but a pain when adolescence strikes and coming from an alcoholic family that would mean their first time getting drunk and well all the terrors that entails… Guess I am “Debby Downer” but drunks scare the pants off me due to my emetophobia.

    1. I’m like you and scared of children for the same reasons. I even fear getting around my niece and nephew, even though I love them so much, because I think they’re going to spontaneously throw up. I always treat kids as if they are constantly carrying sickness. Emetephobia is so annoying.

  6. It’s just non-stop fun being a woman. In all seriousness, you wait a couple years- you hit 30 and your wiring goes haywire! Suddenly you understand- not that you’d do it probably, but you understand- why women snatch babies from train station platforms. Sex-drive-overdrive. Nuts. I’ve made the decision to be childless, but I have lots of good friends who’re on their second or third kid now. I think it’s a personal decision, and your fear of vomit shouldn’t interfere. If anything, a small child will cure you forever of fears of bodily effluence. They’re just constantly leaking- something. (I was a baby nanny for years so I say this with some authority.) Don’t stress about it though. It’s not a decision that needs to be made now. Also, you’ve demonstrated the kindness and self-awareness that it takes to be a good parent.

    1. What you’ve said is very encouraging, something I need most often in my life. And you’re right, it’s not a decision to be made now. Goodness knows that’s not something to be decided on an impulse 😉

  7. I think we are told any extreme notions we might have are fleeting, there’s nothing permanent about doubting yourself and OCD is ranked high among curable illnesses, so with that in mind, never say never and get some therapy already! Therapy is about finding out about yourself and I think there’s so much we have to learn and so little time in which to do it sometimes.

  8. As a Mom of 5, Once they are here? You fall in love, in a way you CANT fall in love with anything/anyone else…..they grow in you and you have this unbelievable “connection” and then when they GET here? its a love so worth every illness! The second link is just cause I KNOW you love Cats!! (watch it to the end…Super cute!)

  9. I had my daughter, 10 years after marriage by which time we’d given up on the idea that we could ever be parents. But one fine day it just happened – I was pregnant. And now when I look back, I think that’s the ‘moment’ I became a mom. You’re never ready, yet you’re always ready when it happens! 🙂

  10. Great entry. I made my mind up in my 20s not to have children. Shortly after, I got my cats 🙂 I’ve babysat my niece, nephew and cousins children. That’s close enough for me 🙂

  11. Why would you not be a great mum. Not denying you do think to much what if. But I think ones mind will be focused on the baby and she/he will become the world to you.
    We never know for sure. But don’t pull ourself down so much.
    You are Super Megan. She can d anything.
    Keep smiling

  12. At our house, we wash our hands fanatically and we don’t have hand towels. I view them as the fabric equivalent of raw chicken. Why would you wash your hands and then try to dry them with raw chicken? You wouldn’t! I keep a roll of paper towels near every sink. We wash and then dry with the paper towel. This is a long way of saying you can keep everyone really healthy by washing hands and using paper towels to dry. My extended family and many friends think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. My kids are almost never sick. Just a little encouragement.

    1. that’s actually not a bad idea. I think towels can be gross, so I change it out everyday in the bathroom. If I have kids, I think I would probably do what you do 🙂

  13. Megan, I hope you do whatever feels right. If the feeling stays, or keeps coming back, perhaps it’s not an impulse after all. No moms are perfect.

    1. 😀 I’m terrible at putting faces on animals I crochet, so I’ve given up. Those are my few attempts. It was very reassuring. That’s definitely the word I would use 🙂

  14. Hi. Thank you for liking my post. I think it’s great that you are blogging for mental health and sharing your struggle with OCD! Keep writing, can’t wait to read more.

  15. just a quick note from a mom – my 3.5 yr old has never thrown up 😉 and i also have a great cat named chester haha! i didn’t want children either and it happened, in a big way, by accident and turns out i’m really well suited for it. thankfully since i’m a single stay at home mom doing it by myself. i think it’s wonderful that you consider your partner and his desires and know that you’d have a great guy to help you. and beautiful babies are always a plus! xoxo clara

  16. I love cats too. I have two Siamese cats in Kaley and Seymour. I also want to have kids at 30 I still have time before I render a final decision. I’ve had a lot of reoccurring episodes and I think once I got a good length of stability I’ll feel more confident about it. I have to be able to take care of myself if I am going to take care of kids. My guess is I will have kids because I want to be a father.

    1. If you want to be a father, then all the power to you! I think anyone who wants to be a parent and can be a parent is someone to look up to. I never look down on mothers and fathers. I’ve heard Siamese cats are quite intelligent and eccentric. Do you agree with that, having two of your own?

      1. Thanks yea it’s hard being a parent my sister doesn’t want to be one and doesn’t want me to be one either but I think I would be a good father and I would love being one.. I do have to keep considering how my illness may get in the way. I’ll see how I am doing in ten years though before I fully decide. Yes deff Siamese cats are smart and eccentric. Kaley is very eccentric. Seymour is very smart when he had his surgery and had to wear a cone we had to watch him 24/7 because he kept getting the cone off. He would push it off with both paws like a human. Seymour has recovered from surgery though and is a 100 percent healthy now. Kaley was funny I stopped her from eating plastic and she bit my toe then two minutes later she came back in my room wanted to be patted. Oh I am still living at home so we all take care of Seymour and Kaley. It’s funny Kaley hates anyone outside the family growls when the doorbell rings and Seymour makes friends with everyone. Kaley is closest to me in the family where Seymour is close to my mother and sister.

      2. Cats can be so funny and so clever. I’m always amazed at the things Chester does. It sounds like your cats are quite the characters, each with their own personality 🙂

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