Why Are People So Mean?

DSC_0262

Thought you guys were probably missing beautiful Chester, so here’s a picture of him 🙂

And another, never before seen, hilarious pic: DSC_0408

Since dating K, I have had a lot of great new experiences. I’ve eaten foods I never tried before.  I’ve visited cities that I’d never traveled to.  I’ve learned the basics of a new language. I’ve learned what it means to be an adult, which is still in the works by the way.

I’m sure everyone has experienced discrimination in some form or another.  As a woman, this is something I’ve always experienced.  As someone in an international relationship, this is something I’ve started experiencing in the last six or so years.

I love living in my current city because it is very diverse and there are people from every walk of life.  I appreciate that so much.  We have never, thankfully, experienced problems here.

The problems occur when we go out of this city and into the smaller, rural areas.  Sometimes it’s unintentional discrimination and sometimes it’s intentional.  I have so many examples, but none of which are obviously about race.  It’s in the way someone speaks to us, their body language, or gestures.  It’s very rarely what someone says, but rather how they say it.  It seems like no matter what we do or where we go, someone is just plain mean to us!  We very rarely, if ever, instigate this meanness, but somehow it finds us.

I would like to relate to you a few experiences that will hopefully help illustrate things better:

Experience 1:  K and I used to go to the gym together.  We are doing our thing and quietly and respectfully using the equipment.  We take turns using machines and rotate sets, meaning that while he’s working  out on one machine, I’m on the other.  Anyway, this elderly man walks up to us, stands and huffs at us, and acts very aggressively.  Mind you, we’ve been on this machine for like 2 minutes.  He proceeds to stand there and tap his foot, looking at us gruffly.  In fact, he very much looks like Oscar the grouch at this point.  Finally, he explodes.  “Are you two almost done with that machine?”  K, in reply says, “We are going to be using it a few minutes more. We are just finishing a few sets. There’s actually another machine just like it right there”  Immediately the man says, “No, I prefer the older model, so please move.”  I wanna cry, K is angry, and so we leave.  We had a few encounters with this jerk in the gym and I watched him. Never once did he approach anyone else.  I haven’t seen him in awhile.  Maybe he died….

Experience 2:  While visiting my family, K and I decided to attend church at a local, non-demoniational church that had been built somewhat recently.  I was nervous about going, but we’ve never had problems at churches like this, so we went.  K gets out his iPad, like he always does, to take notes and follow along in the Bible in iBooks.  I kid you not, seconds later, a jerk face next sitting near K gets the nerve to say, “Show some respect and put that thing away.”  I heard him say this and I was instantly enraged.  I turned to the idiot and said firmly, “It’s a Bible you idiot. Turn around and shut up.”  I was soooo mad and K looked hurt.  The man left before the service was finished. I guess he was scared that I was going to confront him again.  Mwhahaha….

Experience 3: Not all of these experiences have been with white people.  Some of them have been Korean.  One time when we were at H-Mart, K is at one of the food kiosks and orders food.  The man is just a butthead from the beginning.  K’s order was less than $15 and apparently you can’t pay with a credit card if it’s under $15, but K didn’t see the sign on the counter and pulls out his credit card.  The man looks ticked and says, “Can’t you read?” while tapping his gnarly, age-spotty finger on the sign.  Dick.  K gets his food, eats, and then puts the tray back at the kiosk, leaving the pepper on the table.  The stupid man just looks at us like we’re idiots and then turns to me and just looks at me, and then looks at the table.  I said, “What?”  Was he expecting me to read his mind?  He just pointed at it like I was a dog.  I brought it to him and slammed it on the counter.  I was super angry after that.

As you can see, people are just downright mean to us.  These are just 3 of dozens of experiences we’ve had while together.   People can be mean and reluctant to change and I feel that in these experiences.  One thing I try to live my life by is kindness. I try to make it evident in everything I do.

One thing it has helped me with is my shyness.  I used to be such a shy kid and didn’t grow out of that until I was 18 or 19 years old.  Glad I got over that, otherwise I’d just cry in public a lot.

Well, I know this was a long post, but I had to get it off my chest.

Please share with me your thoughts on this topic in the email form below or in the comment section!

Megan

 

Advertisements

42 thoughts on “Why Are People So Mean?

  1. I’m sorry you had to endure that nonsense. Unfortunately, bigotry and racism are still very much a part of the human experience. Some people are just angry and hateful, and feel compelled to impose it upon others. If our species is to survive a very challenging future, we must break the bondage of our primal nature.

    Years ago, I was in a relationship with a black woman. So, I know what it’s like to be the recipient of prejudice.

  2. Well people can be down right obnoxious and annoying. Though Walking away at a gym should not have to happen. He should just show more respect that much is true and let you do your exercises.
    With the last one I would have just said where is the sign that says it needs to be put back. That is the little devil in me.

    Be the best you can be Megan, always know you are at least better than them so no angry faces. You sure lost your shyness in that church story. You go girl!

    1. Yes they can be obnoxious. I’ve learned that early from working in retail. The general public can be so mean and ignorant. Thanks for your kind words and encouraging me to stay strong!

  3. I’m very proud of how you handle yourself, little people always seem to be easy targets but people forget that dynamite comes in small packages too, or maybe I should say fun size.

  4. Not that I “like” the ignorance of others, I like the pictures of Chester. 🙂 I don’t understand people like that. My son has been dating a Korean woman. I have never seen her as anything other than his girlfriend. Her parents, on the other hand, have a problem with their relationship. However, she has turned her back on her family. They basically ruined her self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. My son keeps saying things about how the Korean culture works. I don’t understand that, because from what she has told me, they were plain old abusive. Anyway, there are regular people out there who see people as people.

    1. Thank you! This is exactly how I feel sometimes about K’s family. First off, my family took some time to get used to him, mostly because he was so much older, but he’s just my boyfriend to them now. His family, OTH, is not accepting of our relationship and his mom is just downright awful to him sometimes. To me, it sounds abusive and something my mother would never, ever do to him or me.

  5. Unfortunately, racism still and always will exist. We just have to rise above the ignorance. Don’t let it put a damper on yours and K’s relationship. Have a great day : )

  6. I have had similar situations while out with my male friends of different races (we weren’t even a couple!). You get people glaring at you from other tables while dining, shaking their head and sometimes actually confronting us and asking why we were together. It’s disheartening and frankly maddening that it occurs. And it can be anyone from any race. All I can say is that they are the one’s with the problem, so try not to make their problem yours. It’s hard not to take it personally, but by staying strong, dignified and not stooping down to their level, you are doing yourself and him a world of justice, and hopefully teaching others a lesson as well. Keep your head up!

    1. That is awful that you get that when you are out with friends. The ignorance of the general public can be so frustrating! You are so right, it can be anyone from any race.

  7. I’m glad y’all have stood up for yourselves! Treating anyone like that is just rude and not right. Even if they didn’t agree with…whatever it was they didn’t agree with (I sometimes have a hard time figuring out what people have a problem with) they should still be courteous and respectful or polite. That’s what I was taught. You can not agree with someone’s choice all you want, you still have to be courteous with working with/interacting with them.

    1. It is not right at all. I can’t believe things like this still happen in 2014, but they do. Some people can be so close-minded! Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it 🙂

  8. I am so sorry you’ve had these experiences and that some people just can’t seem to get along with others or find some ounce of kindness in their dark bottomless pitiful souls. I’ve experienced both discrimination firsthand (because I am a naturalized citizen, but when I first arrived to the US my accent was quite thick and it caused some of my peers–junior high–to tell me “go back to where the hell you came from”, etc.) and I’ve also seen my friends or acquaintances being discriminated against. When it happens right in front of me to someone I know (or even to a stranger) I seem to always be able to stand up for that person. However, when it used to happen to me, I just wanted to cry and run away, so I can totally identify with that feeling. My very first boyfriend also happened to be African American and this was back in the mid-nineties, so we got stared at and treated poorly A LOT in public. Of course, I was a lot younger at the time and I think I’ve learned quite a bit about assertiveness in the meantime. I feel that people who are rude and mean for no reason are doing so because of their own insecurities and because they are dead inside or filled with self-loathing and self-doubt. They are trying to make themselves feel better by putting those around them down every chance they get. In my opinion, though, that is no excuse for behaving in such rotten ways toward others. We are all unique and yet we are all human, and thus the latter quality binds us all together. It’s time we all started treating each other like human beings, regardless of our demographics. I have to admit, I was so angry reading about your experiences, especially the one at the gym. In that case, I think I would have punched the guy out and then said “excuse me, I thought I was practicing my kickboxing and didn’t see your head standing in my way!”. As for the jerk at the supermarket, asking to speak to the store manager and putting a complaint against that employee would not have been inappropriate. Perhaps he would have gotten fired based on his treatment of you. I feel for you and K, and I wish that you would no longer encounter such jerks. However, this life being what it is, you most likely will. Rest assured, though, that karma, or cosmic energy, or God, or whatever it is you believe in, will eventually equalize all things. A lot of times unbeknownst to you, these people (if you can call them that) will eventually get EXACTLY what’s coming to them. And thus all will be right again 🙂

    1. I’m so sorry you had to experience that hatred from you classmates when you first moved here. I know children can be so terrible and mean. It’s just sickening sometimes. You seem like you have a pretty tough skin now and you won’t let anyone push you around. I really respect that and envy you. I am growing one of my own, but sometimes people catch me off guard and I just don’t know what to say. Thanks for sharing your story! It means a lot to me 🙂

  9. It’s hard to say because I don’t know where you live. I am married to a Japanese citizen, and we live in America. I am six feet tall, and have long blonde hair, so I get people blurting things out to me all the time. Sometimes it is nice, and other times it is mean. I don’t know why I offend some people by existing, but I do I guess. I try my best to be non judgmental of strangers, and I guess it is foolish of me to expect the same courtesy.

    I live in a very culturally diverse state of America, so there are many Asians here. Maybe that’s why I don’t get the same discrimination that you do. And there are many interracial couples. But I am also temporarily disabled due to multiple joint surgeries, and I have been discriminated against lots because of that. People see someone in their 20s, thin, attractive, and they assume I’m misusing my disability placard. What they don’t know is that I just had hip surgery a few weeks ago, and I have multiple degenerating joints due to a connective tissue disease, Ehlers-Danlos. And people in my health groups (hip dysplasia and Ehlers-Danlos), especially young people, experience so much discrimination. There was a news story of a girl with Ehlers-Danlos and she had a severe form and her joints dislocated on a daily basis, so she got a disability placard. She is in her early 20s, thin, nice-looking, and appears HEALTHY even though she has the joints of a 90 year old woman. She got people from her college mailing her death threats. People were shouting things at her as she got out of her car, and others vandalized her car. It’s horrible how people can be so judgmental, and that’s why people with Ehlers-Danlos are so big on spreading awareness. That’s part of why I am so open about my health issues on my blog.

    In your case there are a few ways I would deal with it. You can just ignore it and pretend like it doesn’t get to you. You can stand up for yourself, which you may or may not want to do depending on the situation. Or you can think of a few witty lines to throw at them. Like in example 2, maybe say something like, “Ooooooh, so we aren’t allowed to take notes in our bible now? So you think it would be better if we just space out or take a nap instead of really focusing on the sermon.” Or something like, “Oh, okay, I thought taking notes in our virtual bible was okay. But I will ask the pastor about it after service and let him know what you told me.” I mean these aren’t that funny, but something a long those lines.

    I actually have been cyberbullied a few times, and in this most recent example, someone from a writing community that hates me wrote a 1300 word rant on her profile about how I was the devil incarnate, and 99% of it was lies. She even insulted my illnesses, which is kind of a low blow if you ask me. Who insults someone for having hip dysplasia and a connective tissue disease? I mean what the heck XD I had said nothing publicly about this woman before this, and have not spoken to her friends, and have kept blocking them. In fact this woman had to create another profile to get around my block, and I blocked her again without replying. That was when she posted that rant on her profile. I wanted to defend myself so bad, but my friends told me that it would just make it worse so I posted a few humorous lines on my profile poking fun at me, my friends, and cats. That was all I said in response. She wanted a war. In response to what I posted she intensified her rant with more and more lies. I could tell she was getting super geared up by the fact that I wasn’t going to get sucked into her black hole of hate. Well, she took down her rant when a few people sent her messages about how mean she was being XD And it wasn’t me or my friends because I have told them not to engage her at all. So poking fun at myself worked pretty well in that situation.

    Going back to poking fun at yourself. . . For Example One you could say something like “I didn’t see the sign stating that an interracial couple had a max of two minutes on each machine. Maybe you could show it to me?” I would say it real loud too 🙂 Because he wants to upset you. He wants to piss you off. And it is very hard not to get pissed off because it isn’t fair, and he’s being a jerk. But I doubt he will expect you to say something like that, and his response will be more satisfying if you poke fun at yourself 😉

    Bottom line is that you can’t change other people. There will always be mean, rude, and evil people in the world that want to hate you for no good reason. If you throw some humor at them they often don’t even know how to respond. It was a friend of mine in my EDS group that gave me that tip and it worked very well. I am going to try applying it to more instances in my life. I have gotten a much tougher skin through being discriminated against for my disabilities and cyberbullied, but it still surprises me how cruel people can be. But if they want to be hateful people, judging others, then they must be living miserable lives themselves. You and your boyfriend just keep on being awesome. And if you are feeling down about the world, cuddle your boyfriend, kitty, and perhaps watch some funny cat videos. I also watch Kpop when I’m feeling down XD

    Also, you know Korean? 8D That is so cool! I have always wanted to learn Japanese, but my motivation waxes and wanes :$ My husband’s whole family is in Japan, and only his little sister is fluent in English so I can’t talk to them because I don’t know Japanese. I need to get off my lazy butt and study XD

    1. What a lovely comment! Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me about this post 🙂 I’m glad to have met someone who can relate in some way to what I’m experiencing. I visited your blog and you are very beautiful, so that woman must be very jealous of you somehow 🙂 I’m so sorry that you have been discriminated upon and cyber-bullied. Good god, that woman is horrible. That story just makes my skin crawl and makes me very sad. People can be so petty and cruel and brave behind a keyboard. I doubt she’d say that stuff to you in person.

      I live in IN, but I live in Bloomington, which is basically a small Portland in the Midwest. I love it here, but I’m not kidding you, 15 miles from here is the city in which the KKK was founded, so you can kind of guess what much of IN is like outside of Bloomington. I grew up in a small, German-Catholic community and it’s almost all white people, which is fine, but never gave me the chance to experience other cultures in the way I wanted. In a way, I’m Otaku too, so I can understand that. I was afraid to be Otaku for much of my life because of where I grew up, but now I could care less what people think about that ^.^
      I do know a bit of Korean, but nowhere near fluent. I studied it for a year at IU and on my own for the 6 years we’ve been together and things just rub off on me over that time too. You should learn Japanese. If his parents are accepting of you now, then that will make them feel so happy that you learned their language to communicate with them. 🙂

      1. Ah okay, I live in California. The university I went to had more Asians, than Caucasians, so I don’t think there is as much racism against Asians as there are in other parts of the country. Sadly, even here there is still racism against Asians. Like I went to the state fair with my husband and his Japanese colleagues. And this was during the SARS outbreak. Anyway, in the parking lot this pickup truck filled with middle-aged, ugly white men, hung out the window as they approached us. They hung out the window coughing and yelling SARS. I was so mad at the time, and I’m sure everyone else was too, but Japanese people are very polite to strangers. And not like I was going to dare fighting back against these huge men driving a pickup truck :S It wasn’t worth getting seriously hurt over. First off the SARS outbreak had nothing to do with Japan. And second off, they just wanted to spread their hate. Entitled white people is not a new breed unfortunately. I’ll admit that I have not ever experienced any racism because I’m Caucasian, so it was an eye-opening experience to see it happen to my husband. Racism is still very much alive in America 😦

        You are too kind in saying I’m pretty :$ Yeah, the worst part about the cyber-bully is that we were friends a long time ago, and I spent a lot of my time helping her write because she was a huge fan of my stories and her writing was not very good. She’s a single mom, much older than me, and is bitter about her life from what I gathered. Granted, she was dealt an unfair hand, and I felt bad for her, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior. She and her friends are still actively scouring the internet for dirt on me. That’s why I chose a different penname for my current blog. My blog has very personal details, and I don’t want it to be cut and paste and put up on someone’s profile, which they have done with old messages of mine. I mean the depths of depravity that she and her friends have sunk to to try and destroy me are pretty appalling, and I’ve been in fanfiction for 5 years, and actively involved in lots of internet forums. A close friend of mine has been involved with fanfic for like 7-8 years and she’s seen several incidents of cyberbullying, but nothing this cruel. I have told all of my friends to block them and not contact them. One of my very wise friends told me that if they wanted to spend their lives consumed with hatred for me, it was a pitiful existence, and that was their choice. It’s much better to stay out of it and focus my energy on being happy 🙂 Definitely easier said than done, but I’m working on it. I’ve been in the fandom much longer than her, and it would be a shame if she stopped me from doing what I love. So the best revenge is doing nothing and just moving on. People will eventually see her for who she really is, which is what happened when she posted that rant, and I pretty much did nothing.

        Yes, I’m sure it would make his family happy if I learned some Japanese 🙂 I don’t know that I’ll ever become super fluent, but it would be nice to understand what they are talking about. I’ve actually visited Japan a few times. Was going to talk about it on my blog sometime. His family is really lovely. If I knew Japanese then I could also understand what my favorite Jrock and Jpop singers are saying in interviews XD And when we have kids, my husband wants our children to be fluent in Japanese. Since the plan is that I’ll work part time, it would be more effective if I knew some Japanese, lol. I don’t know about your boyfriend, but my husband still reads almost everything in Japanese, streams Japanese TV shows, and sometimes watches American shows dubbed in Japanese XD He talks Japanese in his sleep as well, lol. He is very fluent in English, but Japanese will always be more comfortable for him since he spent his formative years in Japan.

        I love your pics of Chester, he’s such a cutie ^^ Looks like Chester loves your boyfriend :3 We have two cats, siblings, and the boy loves my husband while the girl loves me XD Funny how it worked out like that. Cats choose their humans, not so much the other way around, lol. My boy kitty loves me as well, but if my husband is home, he will chill out and cuddle with my husband instead. My husband didn’t like cats that much until we got them 3 years ago. I’ve always been a huge cat person, and had several growing up, but he was raised in a dog-centric household. Now he frequently tells our cats how much he loves them. It’s cute X3

        Through fanfic and the internet I have met a lot of other otakus :3 Since my primary writing fandom revolves around a Japanese video game, and the main characters are bishies, there are a lot of otakus XD I imagine a fandom like Harry Potter doesn’t have as many. Yeah, my husband thinks it’s silly, but I don’t care XD I am somewhat proud of my otaku status, lol. Growing up I moved around a lot, and I only met one other otaku besides my sister. But we moved, and then in high school I was the only one in my group of friends that liked anime and video games. My husband likes video games too, but not as much as me, lol. Sometimes we watch anime together, like “Attack on Titan” aka (Shingeki no Kyojin) but in general I’m more into video games and anime than he is. So it is nice to have friends now that I can fangirl with 8D

      2. That is very sweet of your husband to love the cats 🙂 My boyfriend never thought he’d like cats either, but never had dogs. He is totally in love with Chester. They take naps together and he has taught Chester to perform tricks. It’s quite precious. My sister is otaku and has been for a long time, much longer than me. It just sort of happened with me within the last few years. I think it’s always been a part of me though 🙂 I love plushies and certain Korean and Japanese characters. I’ve never been into anime and probably won’t get into it much. Then again, I haven’t watched much of it either. Maybe I should…:)

  10. I guess that’s where some people are in their journey. It’s very sad. Imagine what they are missing out on by limiting their views on others. I guess the only thing to do is send them love and hope that they grow and learn. Many won’t, but hopefully some will. Love and peace be with you!

  11. Being foster and adoptive parents and having different races of children we have had lots of experiences with racism. It would be wonderful if everyone could just accept all people for who they are but that still seems to be a long way off.

    Good for you sweet Megan for taking care of business with that man at the church. When our Krystal was about 4 years old the church we attended moved. We were looking for a new church and attended one not far from where we live. About 30 minutes into the service a man handed me a note. The note said…”We think your family would be better served at a different church.”

    I showed the note to my hubby and asked if he wanted to leave, he did. It was not a quick and easy thing to get all the children, diaper bags and Krystal in her wheelchair on the move but we did it anyway. We stood up, gathered our things and we exited that church and never returned. I would loved to have said something but didn’t. I wanted to be kinder than they were so we got out of there as quickly and quietly as we could. I don’t think there was an eye in the church not on us as we left.

    It was great seeing Chester…love the pictures! Hugs and nose kisses for you both from me and my crew

  12. A lot of rumors at work started circulating about my ex and myself. She had juvenile idiopathic arthritis which became a severe case of chronic pain syndrome in a lot of her body. Having been on a lot of hormone altering medications to try and help with it over the years, she hasn’t appeared to age very much since she was 11. She was 20 at the time but she looked 15. Everyone who was making up these rumors knew exactly how old she was and even asked me in a sly and disgusting manner as to what her age was. They were all hoping (a friend overheard them mention they were hoping) for me to say she was underage so that they would have something stupid and horrible to say about us. We copped it everywhere we went. So many people would tell her she could do better just by looking at me and it really got to her. People are just so pathetic some times. Nothing beats knowing that they are jealous or ignorant so that you can brush it off easier.

    1. People can be so mean and gross sometimes. I hate that they did that to you and your girlfriend 😦 Honestly, nobody could do better than you! You’re a great person and a very sweet guy. I always appreciate your kindness.

      In high school people would make fun of me for being too small and too skinny. At the time, I had serious self-image issues, which is probably common for a lot of girls that age and I never ate so much as a fat free yogurt for lunch. I was probably on the verge of anorexia and people made fun of that. I remember crying at school because a girl asked my friend, “Is she anorexic or something?”
      People can be very superficial, judgmental, and rude.

  13. Oh my word Megan what small minded bigots! Good for you answering back to them. I’m a big believer in karma so I’m betting these people will get it back in some form & I’m wishing you many, many happy times & years together x

  14. OMG! I feel for you and I’m sorry you & K have had to go through these things. I was always taught to treat others how you want to be treated. When I do go out in public, which is rare, I just keep to myself. Sad but unfortunately that is what our world is coming to! Keep at it girl and never be afraid to speak up!! P.S. Love the pics of Chester!

    1. thank you so much 🙂 It’s ridiculous how people can be sometimes, but we manage. I hope you’re well 🙂 I love taking pics of Chester, but so glad you enjoy seeing him 😀

  15. For my final in my English class we were able to choose whatever topic we wanted. I chose the topic “Why people are mean” for reasons like this. Researching this topic really changed my perspective on negativity. Understanding why some people project negativity can really change your view on the situation. Whenever someone is being negative towards me, I no longer match it with more hate, I try to understand why they are acting this way, and it really helps me deal with the situation.
    I can send you my presentation that goes over the main topics i researched 😀 And even my essay if you want to know more in detail (Just FYI…my essay is 10 pages haha)

    1. That’s a lovely and thoughtful way to put this and yes, you can certainly send your presentation to my email address thewarinmybrain at hotmail dot com. I think sometimes in the heat of the moment I’ve forgotten to look at the person rather than their emotions.

  16. Oh Megan you and K do not deserve such treatment, it is so sad there are still so many ignorant people in the world, but good for you for standing up for yourself! 🙂 I try to feel sorry for people like that, of course that is after my anger and or tears have evaporated. My nephew is dating an Asian woman whom we all adore and I know they have had similar experiences. My only hope is that the world is getting better slowly but surely. You go girl! And keep that beautiful smile on your face 🙂 xo

    1. It’s not fair at all when people treat others terribly, for no reason at all especially, but most days are great for us. Not everyone is terrible and in fact most people are quite loving toward us, like you. It is a good practice to try to understand why the person is so angry, but sometimes our emotions get the better of us.

What are your experiences?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s