Being Alone

2014-07-25 19.16.21


It’s way too quiet in here tonight.  This is Chester at the moment. He’s staring daggers it seems at me for typing too loudly while he was trying to take a nap. It appears I woke him.  

Chester and I have been enjoying some time by ourselves since K is visiting family friends in Virginia.  It’s been weird to stay by myself for this time and I always think it’s a weird feeling when I’m left “alone”.  My family doesn’t live in this city and the only people besides K that I really know are my coworkers and I only see them during the day. We lead separate lives once we leave the workplace. Needless to say, it’s been weird being all alone. I go most evenings without saying anything to anyone until I notice Chester seems bored out of his mind and I try to play with him, but we both are too lazy and give up seconds later.

In some ways, I enjoy living by myself. I get to do what I what when I want without having anyone bothering me about doing anything that I don’t want to do. I love that kind of freedom most of all. I’m not saying that I don’t get that with K, but I would just rather do things with him than without.  It’s easier for me to cope with illness and my deep-seeded emetephobia when I’m by myself. I don’t have to constantly have that fear in the back of my mind that someone will be ill in front of me.  In that way, it’s very relieving.

The things I do by myself are quite different than the things I do when K is here.  For one thing, I’m definitely lazier.  Definitely.  I think that’s ok in moderation.  However, every night this week I’ve been meaning to blog and crochet, like I usually do when K is here, but I have ended up watching marathon of some show or another on Netflix.  I have literally done nothing productive while being by myself.

The house is certainly messier. I can handle MY mess, but not other people’s messes in my home. Strange, it never bothers me to see a mess I’ve made. Like, right now, the trash can is overflowing with trash artistically balanced on top of it.  

I don’t cook hardly at all. I’ve eaten at Subway, Fazolis, and Arby’s tonight, all of which are my favorite places that I prefer to go when I’m by myself. I like to bring the food home and eat it and just enjoy having something that’s already been made for me rather than me making it.

I keep very weird hours. I went to sleep at 2 am the other day and that is something I NEVER do. Ever. My body is so in tune with night and day that I get sleeping almost exactly at 11:30 every night and wake up everyday around 7:30 or 8.  I’ve been struggling to make it to work on time this past week.

I watch all the awkward, romance TV shows and movies that I can. K hates that genre and watching an awkward scene in a movie or show that I pick while he’s in the room embarrasses me for some reason. I’d rather just avoid that situation.  

That’s what I’ve been doing this week.  I’ve been so lazy , I haven’t even had enough motivation to read on my Kindle. How sad.

Do you have any strange habits like this when your significant other or family is away?

I’d love to hear what you have to say!




43 thoughts on “Being Alone

  1. I hate being alone at night, and I usually have lots of lights and the TV on. Because of all the light and noise, I don’t sleep well…I’m glad my husband doesn’t travel now. Do you talk to Chester? That’s one way to hear the sound of your voice after work!

  2. Cats know when to sit on your lap when you feel sad or sick. They know. They have love to give when they know when you need it the most. it is sad being alone, but cats make all the difference. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  3. Sadly, he never leaves, we have four children, two daycare kids, two cats, and a dog. On the rare occasion that I’ve gotten 4 hours or more to myself, I spend the first one cleaning and the next three enjoying the fact that I dont have to clean again for it to stay clean.

  4. When no one is here I like to sit in the living room with no TV or anything on and read. I enjoy the peace, because if rarely ever get it. I have been sick, but when I am not sick I like to clean when no one is here too. That way it stays clean until they come!

  5. I do live alone permanently (I do not seem to play well with others), and I have gone as many as 9 years with no other person except the cat living with me. Sometimes, like tonight, it is too quiet. The cat is napping, I am reading Buddhist scripture, and thinking TV sounds productive. So, it’s weird even when you are used to it.

  6. Like you, I don’t cook when I’m alone, but don’t go out either. I’m incredibly lazy. What I do is just eat whatever is around the house that doesn’t need cooking. Many days I survived Cheerios alone.

    I also spend an incredible amount of time on the computer. I don’t read. I don’t turn on the TV. I just surf the net for hours on end up to the wee hours of the morning.

    1. haha! Actually, to be totally honest with you, I have certainly in the past bought multiple boxes of cereal for my time alone because I knew I was just going to eat cereal rather than cook. 😉 I’ve definitely made meals out of cereal…

  7. boyfriend hates it! But I’ve enjoyed the break, I think it’s healthy for a relationship to have that space now and again. I’ve been going on country walks and doing more sport. Of course you can do all the girly things you wouldn’t do when he’s about, like watching chick flicks with a face mask on! I too don’t know many people where I live and your post has reminded me that others are ok in that situation. Thanks for posting.

  8. I live alone all of the time. I have gotten so set in my ways by now that I can’t even think about sharing every day with someone lol. Enjoy your “me time”! 😉

  9. A wonderful, engaging and candid post. Each situation has its own allure. We need most of them and we modify our together/apart time always. There’s a richness in a relationship that understands and accepts that.

  10. Of course! Michelle is pit often with college friends. I eat more meat, watch tony moves, and this might be TMI even leave the seat on the toilet up :).

    Enjoy your Megan time, we all need it now and then

    1. if K lived alone, he’d leave the seat up too! The only way I got him to stop doing that is to show him how Chester went inside the toilet bowl. So sick! Nipped that problem in the bud 🙂

  11. I suffer from the same malady occassionly.
    I believe that your lazy-bone is infected.
    I know of no cure other than non-movement.
    Hope it helps…
    Root-beer floats keep the swelling down.

  12. Hi Megan, I too function better when someone else is around. I will also be putting this to the test when I go down to Melbourne on Thursday night and am staying with my Mum. Living alone sucks, and unfortunately for me, financially it is the best option, as I get subsidized rent. If I live with someone else then their income, although I have no access to it, is taken into account as my income too and my subsidy will reduce. Bizarre but true.
    Your story mirrors my actions is so many ways. I sometimes think that I would be better in some sort of shared facility but I do not think I would meet the entry requirements. I don’t cook at all anymore, even though I am a reasonable cook. cheers, Glenn

  13. This is EXACTLY how I am too! I’m usually really clean but my boyfriend just moved for his job, and I’m living in total filth…since it’s my filth I’m ok with it 😀

  14. Since my love of cooking is nonexistent, if I was alone I probably would never turn on the stove or oven again. I think I developed my hatred of cooking from being married to your dad, he simply had too many food demands each and every day, and it grew to despise cooking. I learned from that marriage to never ever force another person to do for you what you would not do for yourself because it just pushes that person away, the days of “maids” are over so everyone should fend for themselves….at least that’s my opinion. See you soon, enjoy your Sunday. Btw there are bad storms headed our way today so keep an eye to the sky.

  15. Hi Megan, I’m the same way. My brother who lives with me, left almost a week ago and I find my house is unkempt, my clothes are just thrown carelessly any and everywhere, I’m sleeping a few hours instead of my usual 8+hours, and on and on!
    I normally would be prim and proper but subconsciously I think I realize that I can just do what I want and no one will see or care, so why should I?!
    My brother is very supportive and understanding so I believe if I were like that when he was around, it would not be an issue. But I realized earlier today that I’m prim & proper around him because I’m older than him and don’t want him to lose his respect for me and also i would be embarrassed to show him that side of me again! My pride, maybe?!
    But I feel better now cause I realized it and also you are in the same situation so I’m not alone!
    When you have a mental illness, it’s important to feel you are not alone in regards to your moods and seeing what’s happening allows you to do something, no matter how small.
    This after after almost a week, I cleaned the bathroom. So that was the beginning for me because when things are disorganized, I feel out of sorts!
    I don’t know if I’m making sense, but thank you for posting this. You helped me more than you will ever know!!!!
    Looking forward to reading more of your posts. 🙂

  16. This entry made me think of my own view of romantic movies. For me, there has to be something more than awkward X meets alluring Y and I find most romantic comedies neither romantic or comical; just a blase cookie-cutter offering for those compromised couples where X wants to see a romance and Y wants to watch a comedy. Those are the nights where you rent two movies.

  17. Are you sure Chester couldn’t use a hug right about now? 🙂 If he doesn’t scratch you in disgust. Been with my wife long enough, it is really hard to think of being alone again. The few times we’ve been recently separated have gone poorly for each one of us. Literally can’t function without the other’s help and support. And, no–due to our diabetes and the risk of infections from any scratch–we may not be getting another cat. 😦 But I’m glad I came over for a visit…thanks for having me!!!!

  18. Im on my for the majority of the time but strangely I have a set of habbits that rotate with no discernable pattern. I know what I am like but can’t predict when I will be like. I miss talking with you on skype. Will we be able to do that again soon?

  19. Cats are wonderful therapists! Yes, I am a cat lover and by education, a therapist (now retired…sort of). As for lonely, I don’t get lonely. There is no doubt that I learned to crave aloneness as a child. When I was alone, I was safe. Studying psychology allowed me to put the pieces together but I will probably always need a certain amount of time to myself. Many of the things I love to do are solitary occupations. I write, paint, read, swim, kayak and many other things that enrich my life. I have friends who I enjoy very much but I still schedule time just for me.
    Bon courage et bonne chance! Léa

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