I Forgot About The Fridge

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I am a very mean person when under stress. It’s like I take an elixir and my clothes burst off my body, only to reveal a hairy, inhuman monster that destroys everything and everyone in its path….

I exaggerate, but I do get quite aggressive and very grouchy when things don’t go my way or cause me stress. I. HATE. CHANGE.

Yesterday, I was having a pretty good day, nothing out of the ordinary. I came into work half an hour early and, therefore, could leave half an hour early. I was excited to get home earlier than expected and to make meatloaf and mashed potatoes, which due to my need to have everything clean and organized when I cook, takes me forever to prepare. When I cook, I have to make sure that I leave no dirty dishes sitting while things are cooking, so I clean and cook at the same time. It takes a while, but it leaves no mess in the end and that gives me less stress.

Anyway, I go home early thinking I’m going to have all this time to prepare for dinner and when I open the door, which is unlocked, I find the maintenance man in our kitchen.  I totally forgot I put in a repair request for our refrigerator, which was leaking a profuse amount of water.  My heart sank as I saw the disaster in my kitchen: the floor filthy, the contents of my fridge strewn about the counters, and this strange man standing there causing the mess. 😡

Everyday when I get home, my blood sugar is low and so I eat a quick snack before cooking so I don’t pass out. Well, he blocked my pantry and I was too awkward to say anything, so I went to my couch, sat down, a frightened cat staring at me, and got on my laptop and just surfed, all while shaking from a need to eat something. I had to keep myself busy because it was so awkward to have him in there.  Chester eventually retreated to the bedroom to lay on my clothes which were strewn on the bed.

He was taking forever and I just wanted to cook, but now I would have to clean my kitchen before I could do so. He was there for half an hour. I was so irritated. He must’ve had a cold or something too because he kept breathing really loudly and sniffling. I was getting even more irritated because now I was going to have to thoroughly disinfect my home so that K and I didn’t catch whatever this dude had. His huffing and puffing was beyond annoying. I was fuming. K came home and the guy left shortly after and I assumed he fixed our fridge. I didn’t talk to him.

When he left, I got to work cleaning. My floor was filthy. I just cleaned the day before!!!  My plans were ruined and that made me angry, uncomfortable, and stressed. I do not like people in my house making  a mess!  I do not like non-family in my house period. Of course K was “scared” of me because I was angrily cleaning the kitchen, clenching my jaw and moving about expressionless. I feel bad for him because it’s not directed toward him, but he was in my path of destruction.

This is what it’s like to feel that everything must be in order before you can do an activity.  This is a bit of what it’s like in the life of someone with an anxiety disorder. What might not be so stressful for someone else is anxiety-inducing for me.  My story is probably slightly exaggerated and it wasn’t as bad as it might sound, but this is how I tell my story, through my stress-induced, adrenaline filled eyes.

If you have any experiences of your own or questions, please send your comments my way through the contact form below or by posting a comment to this page. I’d love to hear from you!

All the best,

Megan

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21 thoughts on “I Forgot About The Fridge

  1. It sounds like a horrendous experience. I hate stress of any kind. It makes me really tense and anxious too. Glad you eventually got things to work out and hope todays going better for you. XX

  2. I’m not ‘liking’ because I enjoy your anxiety, but I like the way you’ve described this event in a way that makes me feel like I was there too. I’m hoping that today is a much better day for you.

  3. Pingback: Amusing Nonsense
  4. I know what you mean. Right now I’m ridiculously hormonal because I’m pregnant, not on my anxiety meds because they can cause complications, and I’m exhausted… I’m a human wrecking ball. My poor, abused husband… For instance, I haven’t been making dinner regularly for months now because I feel awful 95% of the time but, the other day hubby & my dad were working in the yard so I thought it only fair that I make dinner; that night including our family of four and my parents. Unfortunately, I was already pissed off because the kitchen sink was full of dishes and we didn’t have ANYTHING to cook which meant I also had to go to the store. Going to the store causes me terrible anxiety and I usually forget half the things I went for… 😦

    So, hubs agreed to watch the kids while I went to the store (unwillingly). I was literally gone for 20 minutes (the longest 20 minutes of my life since the cashier made my store experience even more awkward by talking to me about his lack of vegetable eating…) only to come back to both my kids covered from head to toe in mud from playing outside. So now, not only was the kitchen a mess but, so were my boys, my dad, and my husband. On top of it all, I needed to clean the kitchen before I could even start cooking and then make a mess again by preparing a meal! I was beyond “hulk smash” level at that point and basically ended up crying and cursing my husband and my life and everything in between.

    Don’t feel bad girl! Sorry you didn’t get to make your meatloaf and potatoes but, there’s always another day. (Hopefully one devoid of infectious, intruding maintenance men.) 😉

  5. The exact thing will happen to me in those circumstances. I haven’t learned how to deal with that awful part of OCD, it is a terrible feeling. If I figure out how to ease it I will let you know honey. Best advice I have is to breathe.

      1. Only you can change you. Try hard to be in his shoes and think if you would like him treating you that way, bet you wouldn’t. You may have to bite your tongue or keep opinions locked up if it means talking harshly to him when he doesn’t deserve it or if the situation is out of your control stand back, observe the solutions and breathe but don’t lash out at him. You just have to get control of you.

  6. I don’t like anyone in my house either, and my kitchen is a “Don’t screw with me” zone. If someone touches anything besides the coffee maker, toaster, or microwave, they might get smacked. I don’t like cleaning any mess that isn’t my own, so I totally understand how you felt.

    Never let yourself be forced out of your own kitchen again when you need to eat. Low blood sugar makes us hangry, thus explaining why you angrily cleaned and “scared” K.

  7. Hi, Megan. Your description is wonderful even though it may (or may not!) be exaggerated. Emotional responses are so HUGE and difficult to convey. Thanks for another enlightening (for me) peek into your world. I applaud you!!! I understand hunger that turns angry (hangry) in a heartbeat, but, unlike you, I have no problem going to the kitchen and finding a quick snack–no matter what things look like or who’s there or what they smell like, etc.
    Cheers!
    Elouise

  8. I know how you feel. Back when I rented I hated when maintenance came to my apartment for routine things (bug spraying, filter changing, etc) and moved things while I was gone. When I got back to my apartment, I could tell something had been moved and I stood frozen in the doorway trying to figure out how to fix the problem.

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