Winter Struggles Are Back

Capture

It seems right now that the only two things keeping me sane are my cat and crochet. I hate to be a whiner, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Having an irrational fear of something that is “natural” is probably one of the worst mental things I go through. I’ve mentioned before that I have a phobia of the “v-word” aka, when people “get sick.” Formally, it’s called emetephobia.  It’s what fuels my OCD. I literally constantly worry and think about it. In the winter time, take this irrational fear and multiply it at least tenfold. I’ve read on emet forums that many people struggle with winter time because of the rise in illness.  I’ve had a few, what I call, “incidents” and they’ve really set me back anxiety-wise. The most recent was about a week ago. I’m still not able to talk about it without having traumatic flashbacks to what I saw, which then makes me really, really anxious and depressed.

My brother’s graduation was this past weekend and I almost couldn’t go. I was just about at the end of my rope, but I did it. I went, sat in that gymnasium full of people, went out to eat afterward, and then shopping at a very busy mall. I’m glad I did it. I think seeing my family and forcing myself to be in public helped. Sometimes it feels so much better, though, to be at home, cuddling my cat, or crocheting and watching re-runs of “The Office.”

During perhaps my worst moment in these last couple of weeks, I broke down and bought a Vogmask.

20141217_104418Sorry this picture is tilted weird. I couldn’t get it to rotate for whatever reason. You’ll notice that it’s flowery, microfiber, and washable. I haven’t used it yet, but it’s with me all the time just in case I’m feeling like I need to be away from grossness.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. I’m better than I was last week, but still working through my issues, which will always be my issues. It sucks being this way and I wish everyday of my life that I wasn’t this way, but sometimes, and to reference that old cliche, you just have to play the hand you have been dealt.

Megan

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35 thoughts on “Winter Struggles Are Back

  1. Even though it’s not fun, it may at least keep you healthier than the rest of us. Trying to see the bright side. 🙂 Also, congrats to your brother on his graduation!

  2. I’m sorry Winter does that to you, dear Megan, Granny feels the same with her depressions, but she says that it’s good to have me around, so I think it’s good to have Chester around. We both can give healing purrs ….and enjoy it at the same time. Just hang in there..Winter is over before you know 😀 Pawkisses, Little Binky and Big Hug of Granny ❤

  3. You and me both!! My husband has pneumonia and that has meant numerous trips to doctor’s offices and the potential for an ER visit which is v country. I guess we just have to struggle through.

  4. I hear you saying that through all the unpleasantness (both out there and in your mind) you are doing a little better than before. That sounds like a triumph to me, something to be ok with, perhaps allow yourself to feel a little good about. Well done!

    As my mum reminded me last night, when i told her i had ridden a gentle 20km and felt exhausted (and frustrated because of that), she congratulated me and said earlier this year I didn’t have the energy to even get out on my bike at all.

    Go you!

    1. good for you! 20 km, while I’m not 100% sure how long it feels to go 1 km, is a great distance! I die on my bicycle every time I try.
      Thank you for the lovely words of encouragement. Sometimes I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.

  5. I’m glad you went to your brother’s graduation, but sad that this already ugly season is making you feel so bad. Have you talked to your doctor about maybe changing the anxiety medication, or giving you some? It might be a huge help.

    Thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful holiday. Give Chester a kiss for me.

  6. One of the first pieces of advice to someone who struggles with depression? Fake it till you make it. Do it anyways and the feelings will follow. 🙂 Keep doing what you KNOW you should do; it keeps you on the right track.

  7. You are wonderful and an inspiration. I know I find your honesty and strength incredibly encouraging (and I also love to be curled up watching The Office, especially when my PTSD comes on). Thank you for everything.

    1. It’s lovely to hear from you Peter. Thank you always for your kind words and encouragement. It means so much to know that you are thinking of me. Stay safe in your journey across the country!

  8. This makes me think of something I was told once about how our actions show how much we care about people in our lives because we’re willing to do things for them that we would normally avoid.

  9. HEY….masks are what they are…to protect us and them from each other. Would it hurt the integrity of the mask–drawing a smiley face on it????? 🙂 P.S.—Love all the really cute ladies on your “follower’s” gallery….even if I don’t NEED to look! 😀 Happy Holidays to you, K and Chester…and the rest of your loved ones!!!

  10. One comment from Bob’s corner was: what about chester cake?. But I was delighted you fought and won the prize of attending your brothers graduation. I bet he was delighted to see you there.

  11. Megan, just take it one moment at a time and I always love seeing your cat, Chester, right? Hugs and keep up the positive choices, sometimes you have to just move forward. I am so glad you made the effort to get to the graduation for your brother’s sake….

  12. Sometimes it helps to “whine” and that’s one reason a blog can be a good thing. It sounds like you’re working hard on your issues, so I salute you. You are so right about having to play the hand we’re dealt. I often have to remind myself of that. Hang in there!

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