I’m sure everyone has something about their appearance that they are uncomfortable with. For some people it may be an inner quality that bothers them more than anything on the outside, and vice versa. Whatever it is, I’m sure you all can relate. For me, the thing that bothers me most about my outward appearance is my nose. I have gotten really good at taking pictures that emphasize my best angle. See, you can’t even really tell in this picture:
It would be a dream of mine to be a model or to work in the beauty industry, but I know for me that’s just not in the cards and probably never will be. I absolutely abhor profile shots of my face. I have a big nose with a strong bridge. It is a very, very unique nose. I think it is a combination of both my mother and father. To want to change my nose would mean that I am losing a bit of my unique heritage. I come from a very unique ancestral mix of Swiss, German, English, Irish, and French. That mix has somehow come together and created my face, specifically, my nose.
I literally know no one with the same or similar nose as me, except for maybe my sister, but even then, her nose is different than mine. My brother has the exact same nose as my father and it’s definitely a distinct nose, but nothing like mine. Funny how that works.
I never used to think I had a big nose, but then a doctor once pointed it out asking me if I had broken it and then proceeded to touch the bridge of my nose, and from then on, I’ve been really self-conscious about it. No lady! I have not broken my nose. Not to mention when I was in school and you can just imagine how mean kids can be. I remember once that a boy told me I was ugly to my face. Ass. I once overheard a group of boys talking in high school. One of the boys said, “don’t you think Megan is kind of pretty now?” The other boys said, “ew no man, gross. No way.” I wanted to crawl in a whole and die. I mean that was probably about 10 years ago and it haunts me to this day.
I have never once felt beautiful and, even though my mom tells me I am, I feel like she is biased because, well, she’s my mom of course. I think my dad told me I was “pretty” once when I was dressed up for senior prom.
I have considered getting it reconstructed, but I know that would be really painful and expensive, and I’m not sure I have the money right now to do that. I almost feel like it would be disrespectful in some way to my ancestors, but then again I wonder if it would give me more confidence if just that one flaw (in my opinion) were fixed on my face.
Some people have told me that my face has a unique beauty, whatever that means. I think what they mean is that my face is pretty, even with that honker of a nose.
Whatever anyone else thinks, it doesn’t matter. I really only care what I think and I’m conflicted between hating my appearance and accepting the uniqueness of how I look. I think often about how much prettier I’d be if only I could get my nose fixed. I hold a mirror up to my face and hide the bridge with my index finger and I like what I see. I know, I shouldn’t be so worried about how I look, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’m beautiful on the inside….whatever. I am worried, though, and have been for years.
Well, here it goes. I am going to show you two profile shots of my face. I never, ever take pictures like this because I hate the way it looks.
Guh, they are awful. Now you can see what I’m talking about.
BTW, if any of you are cosmetic surgeons or can somehow get me a discount on rhinoplasty, that would be great…haha 🙂 But seriously, can you? Have you ever had anything altered before?
Do you have insecurities about yourself, particularly regarding your appearance? I’m sure most of us do.
Thanks for sharing and for reading!